


About Last Night

by Donovanspen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Awkward Sexual Situations, Consensual Sex, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Painful Sex, Rough Sex (discussed)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 10:52:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11484849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donovanspen/pseuds/Donovanspen
Summary: They say actions speak louder than words, but sometimes, words are necessary.





	1. Cas

**Author's Note:**

> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. Please feel free to let me know of any typos, and I'll gratefully correct them.
> 
> (I don’t own anything related to Supernatural. Just having fun writing stories.)

He didn't want to wake up. He knew that the moment he opened his eyes, he would have to acknowledge the enormity of his actions.

Kelly and her baby were gone. The angels had stepped in and did what he couldn't do. He mourned them both as well as his own failings. He actually considered it a small mercy that his brothers and sisters had taken his grace, sentencing him to live a life as one of the beings that he favored beyond all others. He wished they had just taken his life, but none of them wanted to go that far on the ridiculous chance that he was still favored by their father. No, a graceless human would have to suffice as a means of taking him off the board. They needn't have worried. His days of trying to help were over. He had no intention of doing anything other than quietly waiting out his existence. That was until Dean found him.

His friend had seemed angry and so very hurt. He had done this to Dean. He had taken his carefully given trust and had trampled it under all his good intentions. He had taken the precious gift of their friendship and ravaged it beyond repair. Every step he took was always one in the wrong direction.

He listened as Dean railed at him, too broken to even defend himself. Another misstep as Dean only became angrier. Determined to get a reaction, he had shoved Cas against the wall, pressing in close until they shared the same breath. The repressed emotions between them boiled over, and Cas was too weak to resist. He didn’t know what it was; wherever Dean led, he followed. 

It shouldn’t have been a surprise that Dean was an intense lover, his emotions running high as always. There were no words, just actions. 

Cas rolled over, wincing from the painful aches that were the result of their vigorous coupling. Last night he could deal with the physical discomfort even though he felt emotionally battered and wrecked. He didn’t think Dean was trying to purposely punish or hurt him. Most likely, he wasn’t even aware as Cas never let on that the roughness was too much. It wasn’t deliberate. However, Dean’s absence was. Maybe he had misread the situation. Maybe Dean didn’t feel that he deserved the tenderness that Cas knew was often associated with sex. 

Dean had left sometime in the middle of the night. No words had been spoken since that first kiss other than Cas giving his consent in breathy moans of ‘yes please’. After that they only communicated through touch, Cas offering himself as an apology and Dean too blinded by his own hurt to fully accept it.

He needed to get up and shower. He was dirty. He forced himself to get out of bed, tears springing to his human eyes as he became fully aware of his aches. He wouldn’t think about it. No, right now he was only taking a shower. One step at a time.


	2. Dean

He stared at the lime green paint peeling from the motel room door. He shouldn't be here. He should have kept driving, return to the bunker and press on through another day. He’d cried for his best friend, mourned him, tried to live life without him only to find out he was alive. Human but alive. He didn't think; he just got in the car and didn't stop until he was parked in front of this very room.

He hadn't planned anything. Didn't think of what he would say, never even thought about how satisfying it would be to put his fist into his jaw. He was so numb that he couldn't even imagine. And then he saw him. He never meant to kiss him but once he did, there was no going back. 

No going back. That's always the thing with Cas. They can't seem to stay away from each other, yet all they do is hurt one another. Blowing out a defeated sigh, he grabbed the bag of sandwiches from the passenger seat and headed towards the room. He let himself in with the key he had taken, even though he had told himself that he probably wouldn't return. 

Cas was still in bed, but he noticed that he was no longer in the one they had shared last night. He looked so very human, hiding under the covers as if it was just too much effort to get up and face the day. His hair was still wet from the shower he had obviously taken, but he didn’t appear to have bothered with getting dressed. He watched Dean with wary eyes but made no other effort of acknowledgement. 

Dean dropped the bag of food on the table. “You need to eat.”

Cas shifted up to a sitting position, wincing as he sat up. Dean narrowed his eyes but didn't say anything, instead watching to see what else Cas would reveal.

“Thank you. My stomach is a little unsettled at the moment so maybe in a little while.”

“It's probably unsettled because you haven't eaten. When's the last time you ate?”

Cas gave a little shrug, and Dean felt that familiar burn of anger start to blossom. No, they weren't doing this. It shouldn’t be so damn hard to communicate. 

“Fine. Get your crap together and let's go. You can't stay here.” He was a little surprised to see a slightly panicked look cross Cas’ face, but then quickly realized how his words could have been taken. “We’re heading back to the bunker. Get dressed.”

Defiant blue eyes stared back at him as a red flush began to creep up Cas’ neck. “Could you give me a minute?”

“I could,” Dean replied, “but I'm getting damn tired of secrets so why don't you just tell me how bad it is.”

The blush got darker as Cas gripped the bed covers a bit tighter. “Why do you care if this was your intention?”

Dean opened his mouth but paused for a moment as Cas’ words sunk in, and an uncomfortable feeling began to take root. Last night had been unfettered and rough, but Cas wasn’t fragile. He could still feel the marks that Cas had made along his back. “Most people feel a bit sore afterwards,” he began. “Are you sore, Cas, or is it more than that?”

“It's fine.”

“Ok, then let me see,” Dean said, calling his bluff. He stood up and walked over to the side of the bed.

Cas stared at him and tightened his hold on the comforter. “What?”

“You heard me. Lie back and spread ‘em. Let's see how bad it is.”

Dean had never seen Cas blush like this before. He almost felt bad about being so demanding about something that was obviously making Cas uncomfortable, but he needed to know if Cas was seriously hurt. He was doing his best to ignore that churning sensation and remain calm. They got carried away, caught up in the moment. That's all it was. But he had to be sure.

“Come on, Cas. A little late to be shy don't you think?”

“We didn't do this.”

That was true. They hadn't spent much time exploring each other's bodies, being open in any other way other than unleashing pent up emotion. It was more fumbling in the dark and staying hidden behind walls. And that was always their downfall.

“Look, you're human. You can’t just ignore stuff and hope for the best. You need to get checked out, either by me or a clinic.”

The thought of being exposed to strangers was a powerful enough threat that Cas gingerly laid back down. Getting into position, he looked off to the left, refusing to look at Dean. 

Dean gently pulled the comforter down. He could see the marks his fingers had made on his hips, but they didn't look painful. He had similar bruises from where Cas had held onto him. He nudged his leg. “Lift your legs and spread ‘em.”

He wasn't a shy lover. He had no problem getting up close and personal, but Cas was obviously out of his comfort zone. Still Dean needed to make sure he was all right. And maybe they could start with their physical barriers and move on from there.

A quick look alleviated most of his concern. It didn’t look too bad, but Dean should have been gentler for his first time. “You tore a little, and it's red and puffy. A warm soak and some cream will help.” 

Cas just nodded and dropped his legs, turning onto his side, shielding himself from Dean’s gaze.

“Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?” Dean asked, pulling the comforter back up over him. “With the way you were scratching me up and pulling my hair, I thought you were into it.”

“I don't know. It seemed right at the time. You seemed to need it.”

Dean snorted. “And there it is. You always thinking you know what's best for me. So what about now, Cas? How am I supposed to feel knowing I hurt you like this?”

Cas glanced over at him. “Wasn't that the point?”

“No!” Dean snapped. He was feeling many things right now but anger was the easiest to deal with. “I wouldn't have done that with you if I only wanted to hurt you. You know it’s more than that. And I know you feel something for me, so don’t sit here and pretend that you don’t know what last night was about.”

“I know enough to know that what we did last night was different. You would not have been that way with Lisa or another female lover. You had anger in your heart towards me.”

“And yet you never said stop. You were with me every step of the way, Cas. Why? Do you think I forced you, that you had no choice, that you owed me?” Dean asked, hating the questions and dreading the answer but needing to know. 

“Of course not. I was selfish. I wanted this with you, in any way that I could get it. And if this was the only way that you could express yourself, then I’d rather have you than not. It’s not about the physical discomfort. I just...I just wish that our relationship wasn’t so damaged that we could only be together in such a harsh way.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you. That wasn’t my intention. And sometimes sex can get a little rough, a little out of control, but I would have stopped the minute I thought it wasn’t what you wanted. That wasn’t punishment sex, Cas. Like I said earlier, it wouldn’t have happened if that’s all it was about. I thought you were with me.”

“I was. I made my choice, and I would make it again. I wanted to be close to you, but then you left,” Cas admitted. 

Dean wiped his hand across his face. “Last night shouldn’t have happened.” He watched Cas’ expression crumble, but he couldn’t help it. “I was so raw with everything that had happened, and your self-esteem isn’t worth shit right now. This isn’t going to be something else that comes between us. If and when we do it again, we both need to be in a better headspace.”

“You’d consider being together again? Like last night?” Cas asked, his eyes bright with emotion. 

“Not like last night, but yeah. But we’ve got other crap to work through first.”  
“How? I can tell that you’re still angry.”

“Not gonna lie, I haven’t been pleased with a lot of your choices lately. And yeah, I’m pissed, but I still care about you. We’ll figure it out, like we always do. But for now, I’m going to go run you a warm bath so we can fix you up and then we’re going home.”

“I think I’d like that.”


End file.
